Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Cows and Political Ideals


>DEMOCRATIC
>
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> You feel guilty for being successful.
> Barbra Streisand sings for you.
>
>
> REPUBLICAN
>
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> So?
>
>
> SOCIALIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
> You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>
> COMMUNIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
> You wait in line for hours to get it.
> It is expensive and sour.
>
>
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>
>
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
milk
> the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
> AMERICAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one.
> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are > surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the > analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your > stock goes up.
>
>
> FRENCH CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
> You go to lunch and drink wine.
> Life is good.
>
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and
> produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably > crowded trains. They also are at the top of their class at cow
school.
>
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, > give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
> Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
> You break for lunch.
> Life is good.
>
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You have some vodka.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You have some more vodka.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>
>
> TALIBAN CORPORATION
>
> You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private > parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find > alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
>
>
> IRAQI CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> They go into hiding.
> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
>
> POLISH CORPORATION
>
> You have two bulls.
> Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
>
>
> BELGIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have one cow.
> The cow is schizophrenic.
> Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The > Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants > control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be
cut in
> half. The cow dies happy.
>
>
> FLORIDA CORPORATION
>
> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> Some of the people who actually like the brown one best > accidentally vote for the black one.
> Some people vote for both.
> Some people vote for neither.
> Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you > think is the best-looking cow.

1 comment:

Tech1 said...

Love the polish cow.